The Average Jane Journal #66 - You Go God!!

As most of you know I have a new job, thank you Lord. As I think back to when this journey started, which seems like FOREVER; I'm reminded of how I wanted this journey to glorify God. Also a couple of friends reminded me about my list of things I wanted in a job that I prayerfully gave God over two years ago. They wanted to know if and how many prayers on the list were fulfilled. So as I have been pondering on that list and being amazed and ever so thankful what God has blessed me with, I thought what an awesome way to show God's glory by sharing that list with you and letting you see GOD. Please keep in mind this list was made prayerfully, to me it wasn't just a "christmas list". I truly wanted the other side of this journey to show God's hand and no one be able to see my hand in it at all.

MY PRAYER JOB LIST 8/6/2007

1. Close by home. This is a definite "yes" answer, I work about 5 minutes from my house - about 1-2 miles. This has been awesome during snow days. I can also come home on lunch break if I desire; which was nice when Jackson was home during the summer. Working close to home was a big deal to me because my last job was 45 minutes one way. I love working in my own town, my own community and not stressing so much during the snow.

2. Job I can do well and love. I have been at Wal-Mart for a year now, but for more than 11 months I was a cashier. I cannot say that I loved and did that job well. But my new position in the cash office, I do love and hope to do it well once I have learned everything. I have always loved office work, and that is what I dreamed of doing again.

3. Perfect timing. I'm not sure if God has shown me this one or not, but one thing does come to mind. The past 3-4 months have been very much a time of healing for me; including counseling and medication. I had some things to figure out with God to help me see Him differently. My counseling ended a few weeks before I was offered my new position and I was dealing with work a lot better then. I didn't even know this new position was coming, but I was having better days at work. I was finally living in the truth of how much I was loved by God and that I wasn't worthless and a failure at everything I did. So for a little while, when I was still a cashier I had found some peace with my job. So when this new position came along and I am so much happier at work now, I know it wasn't just because I got a new job. I know it was God's hand in putting me where I needed to be to get the help I needed. I'm thankful that I did not get this new job before I started feeling better. I'm thankful that God let me see that my life is not joyful because of a job I love; I know my joy comes from Him. I am thankful I saw the Giver, and not the gift.

4. Easy-go atmosphere. This may seem unimportant to you, but my last job that I had been at for over 13 years had this quality and I loved it very much. I enjoyed feeling comfortable, not that I didn't do my work but I am just not one of those people that could have a very stressful job. My new job is very much like this, I pretty much work by myself all day long; which is probably for the best because I sing ALL the time. :)

5. Be around for Jackson. This has been very important to me because my son is in 11th grade and he might not be home much longer. Before losing my last job, I was used to working weekdays and having nights and weekends off. So it was hard for me to adjust to a schedule that was always different and had me working sometimes till evening. Now I'm home every weeknight, and the days I do work during the week I'm off at 3; perfect time to get home before him.

6. Glorify God. I've touched on this a little bit already, and how I wanted this job journey to show only God's hand. It is just amazing how things have worked out, I never dreamed I would find the job I love at the place I was already working. I just can't believe I am happy at the place I have HATED for 11 months. That is only God's doing, once He started healing my heart and mind things just fell into place.

7. Use my passion. When I wrote this one, I meant doing something workwise that matches the passions God has given me. So on this one, I don't know yet or if it will be answered. I'm trying to be more passionate about the people I work with, so maybe that has something to do with it.

8. God-given dream. When I wrote this one I wanted to know my purpose and dreamed of whatever job I get to have something to do with my purpose. But I know I still have a purpose and still can find my God-given dream, it doesn't have to be my job. We all have a purpose and only a small percent of us actually have a job that deals with our purpose. But it was cool dreaming that I could somehow provide for my family while living my God-given dream. I'm still dreaming though.

9. More money-be good steward. Did I mention I work at Wal-Mart? :) So this one wasn't answered but I'm totally fine with it. I would have taken this new position without the tiny raise that came with it. I would much rather be happy and enjoy what I do than have lots of money. After the miserable year I just went through, I can testify that peace, joy, and love is so much better than money. God provides for us, and that is enough for me. Well, I guess this one was answered in one way.I had no job for quite awhile, before wal-mart, so in that way this job is more money. :) ( I was unemployed for about 5 1/2 months) I just thought of that while writing this, thanks God for showing me that one. The good steward part is always an ongoing journey for me, it's a day by day battle.

10. Off on nights and weekends. Again this was a schedule I was used to working for over 13 years, so I just assumed it had to be that way again. When I was a cashier I worked Saturdays but never worked Sundays. When this new position came along they told me I would have to work both Sat/Sun from 1pm - 10pm. At first, I was totally against it but then I remembered how long I had been praying for a better job and I figured I better keep going through the door till God closed it. Now that I have the job, I only work 6-10 on Sat/Sun and I LOVE those shifts. It almost like having a whole day off, plus my three whole days off. So I'm home every weeknight with my son, and on Sunday nights he is not home anyway. So really only Saturday night is the only night that I'm not home with him. I see that as pretty amazing, and that God worked it all out great. I actually enjoy having days off during the week because I can do so many things with my girlfriends while Jackson is at school. I totally LOVE my schedule, and that is a God thing.

Thank you for letting me show you part of my journey and allow me to glorify God with this list I presented to Him over two years ago. Isn't it always amazing once you're on the other side of the mountain and you look back at all the almost "wrong turns". I think back to how upset I got over certain jobs that I didn't get and I can see now those weren't meant for me. Plus, I see how working at Wal-Mart was all part of my healing process, it wasn't the root of my problems but it brought my problems out. Then I got the help I needed, spiritually and medically. It was all God, and all I desire is that He is seen in my life. HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!!

The Average Jane Journal #65 - Suggested Book

"The Search for Significance" by Robert S McGee


I have only done chapter one of this book/workbook but I kept getting this feeling to spread the word about this book. If you have even the tiniest bit of self-worth issues-depending on relationships for worth, getting jealous of relationships, trying to be somebody you're not around others, looking for worth in success, needing material things and money, people pleaser, not good enough for God's love, needing attention to feel worthy, being a good enough mom, God can never use someone like you, etc; then this book is for you. Like I said, I felt like I should tell you about this book-even if it was just for one of you.

"Search for Significance should be ready by every Christian" BILLY GRAHAM

Make sure if you look into getting this book, that you get the book and workbook edition. I got mine on half.com but I heard they had them at Barnes & Nobles. I think you will get more out of it with the workbook part; it comes together in one book. I had trouble finding it at first, so make sure the front says Book & Workbook. Enjoy your journey if you choose to take it. If you ever want to share anything you learn about yourself, I would love to hear it. I sooo love God stories!!!

The Average Jane Journal #64 - Comments on Last Two Journals

Well, it wasn't my intention but the last two journals ended up being related; at least in my life.

The first one spoke about my issues with pride and the newest journal spoke about our greatest fear. I was speaking to a friend about how I worry about pride and she told me that I'm fearing something that hasn't happened. So, now I'm thinking that maybe my issues with pride is something the enemy holds me down with.

I still have a great fear of failure, as mentioned in the newest journal-but I also fear pride. I have other fears, but I was just mentioning fears I have in living for God everyday. I am looking at my fear of pride in a different way now, or at least trying to. I have lived with it for so long, it is hard to change my view of it somedays.

I have a desire to do great things for my Lord, but I also have so many things holding me back; such as my fears, sins, etc. I want to daily take the next step to enable me to do tomorrow what I can't do today. And one of those steps is to deal with fears and sins. Do you ever think about getting to Heaven one day and imagine being able to see what "assignments" you missed out on here on Earth, and seeing the blessings you missed out on? I think about that sometimes and it saddens me, so I want to better myself to "see/hear" my Godly assignments and step forward through my fears.

As far as a line between pride and feeling proud of my accomplishments, I think it all comes down to my heart. Am I boasting in myself or in Christ?

"Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." 2 Corinthians 10:17 (NIV)


lyrics by Brandon Heath

There is hope, for me yet, because God won't forget,
all the plans he's made for me
I have to wait and see, he's not finished with me yet,
he's not finished with me yet

Still wonerin' why I'm here. Still wrestling with my fear
But oh... He's up to something,
And the farther out I go, I've seen enough to know
that I'm not here for nothin'
He's up to somethin'

The Average Jane Journal #63 - Greatest Fear

What is your greatest fear?

I can admit that my fear is failure.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7 NLT

What hard thing does God want you to do to complete His assignment or to get you in the place you need to be to start His assignment?

"I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13 NIV

What can you do today to enable you to do tomorrow what you can't do today?

So again, what is your greatest fear? I like this quote from the movie "Coach Carter".

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others"

Now of course this quote is from a basketball movie, but we are "powerful beyond measure". We have the same power living in us that raised Christ from the grave. So, I ask you, are you "playing small"? Don't let the fear of failure hold you back. I love how the quote says our being liberated from our own fears will help others with their fear. It could be a chain reaction, touching your circle and their circle, etc.

The Average Jane Journal #62 - Picking Your Brain #2

Do you struggle with pride? I have often said that pride is my "thorn in the flesh". I fear pride so much that sometimes I wonder if it's for a reason. Maybe God knows that I could easily fall to pride. Or it's just something that the enemy can easily use. Either way, I worry about it a lot.

So I was wondering what you think. Sometimes when I feel like I'm relying on God, in His will, trying really hard to live for Him-then I feel proud of my accomplishment. It makes me happy that even for a short time I am on the right track. But then the "fear of pride" comes running at me. So in your opinion, where is the line that divides pride and being proud of your accomplishments? Is feeling proud of yourself a sin? Is it just something the enemy likes to confuse us on? Maybe the fact that we can't do anything without Christ is the answer. Our proud accomplishments wasn't really something we did(on our own) anyway.

THe Average Jane Journal #61 - Something to Admit

Since writing my last journal entry, I have had to admit something to myself and to God. The last few days while pondering on my son's future, and thinking I had given it all to God; I discovered something. Anytime I would ponder the question "What if he goes into ministry?" I immediately wanted to shout "No, Lord, please no". Isn't that sad?? We all have career choices we would NOT want our children to make, but my top of the list is going into ministry!! I know why I feel this way, but it just made me realize I had not fully given my son's future over to the Lord. I'm not saying that I can control it, I'm just saying I hadn't let go of it. (I'm also not saying that God told me my son would be in ministry.)

So anyway, I admitted to God that I was still holding on and felt like sharing that. Bottom line is this: If my son is the local town mechanic or he has some sort of "stage" in his future; if his priority is God in everything he does, then that is the future I want for him.

The Average Jane Journal #60 - My Dream for My Son

That's my son Jackson, and as most of you know it is my heart's desire to see this kid find God someday. And I know he will someday, because I feel like God has told me so. So now I just wait...praying and dreaming about the man of God I desire him to be. I don't just want him to be satisfied with being saved from Hell, I desire for him to totally get it; for God to be his everything. I don't want much huh? But I know you all understand, I'm sure you want the same for your kids.

We all know Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I have been praying that lately for my son. I have been asking God what His plans are for my son and telling Him that I'm excited to see what they are. I know that faithfulness goes right beside the promise to that verse; and that is where my desire for Jackson to one day be totally bananas for God comes from. I want him to experience that plan God has for him, and I desire it to be a great plan. (Yes, I know I'm a bit partial there-but I totally leave it up to God.)

And listen how cool that verse sounds in The Message translation, "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." It's not much different but it made my heart swell when I read that version. As much as I can dream about my son's future-God can dream bigger. I pray that my son's heart will eventually catch that dream.

This morning I heard a song that felt like "home" when I heard it. It is a song about a father praying for his child. The singer is a guy that is a member of my church, but he never gets to go because he travels on the weekends to sing at other churches or conferences, etc. I have seen him sing three times now and I always love his stories. I hope you enjoy the words to this song as much as I did-maybe it will give you a new excitement for praying for your children and wondering what their God plan is.


"Thought You Should Know" by Danny Oertli

It started on the day you were born,
I wanted you to have everything.
Now it seems my conscience is torn
between what I desire and what I believe.
What kind of man would I be if
I didn't pray for you what my father prayed for me?

So I pray with all my heart
That you will be broken
and in brokenness find God.
And I pray that you will fall
and falling down you'll stand to rise above it all.
I pray that God would break you as you grow.
Thought you should know.

As you walk down your winding road
faith and love will go a long way.
You'll learn all you'll need to know,
that life is hard yet love remains.
I wish you nothing but the best
so I'm asking God to put you to the test.

I pray that God would break you as you grow,
and I'm with you every step upon that road.
Thought you should know.

The Average Jane Journal #59 - Are You Dreamin'?

Has anyone been dreamin'? God dreamin'? I encourage you to ask God "What did you make me to do? What is my special talent that I can use for you?" (in less you already know the answer, then "yeah" for you)
I have to say I'm in an excited and fearful place; and I realize how that fear could take over so I'm trying to stay focused, faithful, and encouraged. Just wanted to share some things(from Janie Baer http://godswordalive.com/blog/?p=481) about dreamin' with God that are really encouraging me. Sweet dreams to you all!! Go set the world on fire for God's glory!!

God has made you a dreamer, like Himself, for you were created in His likeness and image.

Dreamers are people who can see things that others cannot see and are the most powerful people on the earth.

God given dreams are God’s dreams, God’s hopes, God’s desires, and God’s plans for you that are already planned out and ready for you to discover and live.

God given dreams come from God and are spoken to your spirit and are different from simple, flimsy wishes, for they capture your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, your imagination and your spirit.

God given dreams show you how God sees you and how He wants you to see yourself. (I love this one)

God given dreams are something you will embrace and they will embrace you.

God given dreams are something you won’t be able to set aside, for they will consume your thoughts, bring excited expectation of their fulfillment and stir a passion inside you to see them become reality in your life.

God given dreams stir your imagination and bring you into an expectant hope of living in those dreams.

God given dreams require you to become a dreamer, a big dreamer!

God given dreams are a testimony of the greatness of your God.


Another dreamin' with God song!!

Set the World on Fire by Britt Nicole

I wanna set the world on fire
Until it's burning bright for You
It's everything that I desire
Can I be the one You use?

[CHORUS]
I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
Nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do

The Average Jane Journal #58 - Dreamin'

I'm dreaming again-not "sleep dreams", but exploring my desires and praying about what matches up with God's will for my life. Exploring those desires that He gave me, and what He wants me to do with them for His purpose. I'm excited and back to looking forward with a little more hope and faith. I can't say I'm perfect, without some setbacks; but I'm ready to dream again. I want to dream again-and see where God takes me. I feel like God has given me a dream for this season in my life, and I am looking back at a couple of things in my childhood that is making me realize that maybe this was my course all along. I wonder if this desire God has given me would have come to surface a long time ago if I had made different choices when younger. Isn't it wild to think back to one decision, and wonder what would have happened differently?

So as I keep dreaming, I'm praying for the strength and courage to follow my dreams. I guess I'm not 100% sure if it is from God, but I am going to keep moving forward till I have a door shut. When praying for strength, that includes not giving up and letting the enemy squash my dreams. I don't want to be reading this journal entry three months from now and not even remember what my dream was.

Thanks for listening, and sweet dreams!! What dreams has God given you? (More about my life dream later.)

Acts 5:38b - 39

"For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God."


My daily anthem song to God:

Unbreakable by Firefly


God, I want to dream again
Take me where I've never been
I want to go there
This time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

Sometimes it's hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can't see
To reach my destiny
I want to take control but I know better

Forget the fear it's just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust

The Average Jane Journal #57 - Movie Quote #3

"It ain't about survin', it's about being useful."

I love this quote, just wish I didn't have to DAILY remind myself of this truth. :)

The Average Jane Journal #56 - Do People See You as Powerful?

God is strong, so then why are our churches full of weak people? By that I mean, we feel like we can't do things that God has told us to do; we are cowards at times. I know I am a coward when it comes to witnessing and when doing other things in life that I feel like God has told me to do. I know sometimes I am a coward when it comes to stepping out and doing something out of the norm.

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power..." 2 Timothy 1:7

I love this illustration that I heard this morning. A pastor I was listening to said that a member of his church was one of the "strongest men in the world" - that show they have on ESPN. He is a huge, powerful man. His wife is also a strong person, benching 275 lbs. So a very powerful, strong couple - physical strength speaking. So how do you expect their children to look? Wouldn't you be surprised if they had skinny, scrawny, bony children? Wouldn't you expect healthy, strong children from two people like that?

So if we believe God to be the most powerful being there is, why do we so easily accept that it is ok for His children to be weak? We should be strong, faithful, confident children!! Right??!!

God's power should give us courage, when you are feeling fearful focus on God's power and strength; not your own. Remember we have the same power living in us that raised Jesus from the dead. I CAN DO THIS, I HAVE GOD ON MY SIDE!!!! We are children of the "strongest man in the world", we should not be "scrawny, skinny, bony" (faithless, fearful, noncaring) children.

"For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." Phil 4:13

God is our Creator, who are we to tell Him we can't do something. We need to come back to a reverence of the power of God. Do people see that power inside you?

Joshua 1:6-9
“Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

The Average Jane Journal #55 - Strong Women of God

This is short and sweet, I loved this quote I received in an email from my pal yesterday. YOU GO GIRLS!!!!

Be the kind of woman
that when your feet
hit the floor each
morning the devil says
"Oh Crap, She's up!"

The Average Jane Journal #54 - Yes, No, Wait

God spoke to me through a quote this past week.

Person #1 (speaking to Person #2) "You pray like you expect an answer."


Person #2 "That's the best way to get one."

I can see the obvious lesson from this quote would be to pray and believe you will get an answer; and that's a great way(the only way) to pray. But for my lesson, it was more than that. My lesson was about the answer. I find myself so focused on the "thing" I have prayed for that I make it so difficult, when really it's very simple. There are three answers - Yes, No, or Wait. Instead of me focusing on the "thing" I can keep it simple and just wait for one of those three actions from God. God has shown me that the answer is not the "thing", it's His action in my life.

This might not make sense to you, but for me it sort of simplified things and allowed my heart to focus on just talking to God and not get hung up on the "thing". I was just in a place where God needed to show me something about my prayer life, reminding me that it is simple conversation between me and my Creator.

The Average Jane Journal #53 - Comments on Picking Your Brain

To refresh your memory, Journal #50 asked your thoughts on being hard on yourself. I was excited that I went ahead with that journal because God showed up and gave me great thoughts to consider.

I was reading an article at the time and this quote stuck out to me:

"If God approves of us, knowing all the wrong we will ever do, you and I have no right to disapprove of ourselves.Accept yourselves in spite of your weaknesses-God does"

I was most excited about this next thought, excited that God showed me something that I would never had thought about had I not posted this question. One of you, an admitted fellow struggler with this problem, answered me and gave me the following advice.

"When my friend brought up in Bible study that spending time beating myself up, bring critical of myself, and constantly thinking of my failures was self worship-it took my breath away. What??? I thought I was being humble and not proud? I have to remember that anything that takes my time, my focus, my thoughts from God is an idol and when I am all consumed with my "worthlessness", I am putting myself on the throne, not Jesus. In my desire to glorify Christ, I end up glorifying Satan when I focus on my shortcomings instead of the One who took them away."
Her friend from the Bible study said,"Self loathing is self worship. The enemy loves it when we fight with ourselves and are at war within...using all our energy in the inner war."

I have thought about this information ever since I received it. I'm amazed by it. Something I looked at as trying to better myself is actually something the enemy uses to get me to sin-self worship. I cannot begin to tell you how good I am at beating myself up-and all this time I thought I was using it for good, a technique to try to better myself. No wonder I always feel horrible. Duh!!!! It's such a simple thing really, just one of those little things the enemy slips by us. It reminds me of the time I heard about how "people pleasing" is a sin-it's idol worship because God is not on the throne. Another simple thing that the enemy uses and we have never thought about being a sin.

Thanks friend for the comment you sent me-God definitely used you that day.

I can't say I'm not at all self-loathing anymore, but when I feel myself slipping into it I have thought of this comment. I still feel like there is an area where our guilt is used for good, like when the Holy Spirit is trying to turn us around. But I need to work on how I cross that line of guilt and move into the self worship. I'm working on it and I'm excited how God showed up for me(and hopefully others that can use this comment) when I asked this question.

The Average Jane Journal #52 - Abortion Survivor

May 31, 2009

This is an awesome video, it's long so you will need about 15 minutes but you will not be sorry for taking that time. Make sure you watch Part II when the video ends.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPF1FhCMPuQ

I had trouble when I tried to copy and paste that address so if you go to www.youtube.com; just type in abortion survivor. You should see Gianna Jessen pop up. The time for Part 1 is 9:36 and part 2 is 6:40.


I'm God's girl-don't mess with me because my Father runs the world. I'm His girl and I'm a princess!!!

The Average Jane Journal #51 - Movie Quotes (1)

I have had a movie quote stuck in my head since last Sunday when my pastor brought this up in his Memorial Day sermon, talking about sacrifices that our troops have made for us and the great sacrifice our Savior did for us. Then tonight I heard another quote that stuck with me, so I thought I would share them both.

"I have tried to live my life the best I could, I hope that was enough. I hope that at least in your eyes I've earned what all of you have done for me."

Of course this person is talking about the sacrifice of the troops that saved his life, but I love thinking of the sacrifice of Jesus when I read that quote. I know the way I live my life is not what gets me into Heaven-that is my faith. But this quote has had me thinking all week of what Jesus did for me-for ME-and He knows my life will never be worthy of His sacrifice. But out of my love and thankfulness for His sacrifice, I should be asking myself more often if my life shows any worth at all-do I show Christ to others in any way???

The Average Jane Journal #51 - Movie Quotes(2)

"You are a good man even when you don't know people are watching you."

How awesome would that be to have someone describe you in such a way?!! And spiritually, to me at least, it sort of goes along with the first movie quote. How do other people see me, and do they see Christ in me?

The Average Jane Journal #50 - Picking Your Brain

I know my last journal entry wasn't even 12 hours ago but I'm feeling so much better. I hung with my peeps tonight and feel so encouraged. We discussed something that I mentioned in my earlier journal and I just thought I would pick your brain and see what your answers are. We agreed this question was a hard one to answer, it would have been cool to spend more time on our thoughts and see where God lead us. I would love your thoughts. This is not a "your right or wrong" moment, I truly would just love whatever thoughts God gives you. Please know that I'm not asking these questions from a desperate state of mind like my last journal. I'm at a place now where I'm trying to follow God in the direction He is leading me and I'm very interested in what I find by this question. Maybe I should do a "pick you brain" segment every once in awhile-maybe get some suggestions for other questions. If you feel comfortable, post your answer on the blog so others can see; or I could just publish the answers (without names) in another entry someday. Happy pondering!!!

In my earlier journal I said I am very hard on myself and don't know how to stop being that way. But then when I think about it(and this is all in a spiritual journey context), in my mind there is "being hard on myself" which to me means "always trying to succeed"; and there is the opposite which is not caring. I can't seem to find that middle ground. We were saying tonight that we feel like women probably have this problem more than men. When confronted with the question, I have to say we were mostly stumped; I found it quite interesting. I also found it encouraging-I'm not the only crazy one out there. So what are your thoughts? Where is the middle ground? Do you also find when you're not being hard on yourself or criticizing yourself, that you feel like you're not trying? Maybe it's a way the enemy uses to cripple women who want to do God's will? Maybe it's a peace and joy crippler?

The Average Jane Journal #49 - Little, Wee, Small Break Down

I have to admit that I'm feeling a bit like I'm on an island all by myself at the moment. I know I'm not alone, but that's how emotional I got these last couple of days(still trying to find my way back to civilization). I have been told many times that I'm too hard on myself, and let me tell you I have heard those words in my mind a lot lately.

I had a little, wee, small break down this weekend; or I like to think of it as small(heehee). By break down I mean, a "fall down and cry to God" moment-a pity party, all for me. Sounds sad doesn't it??? It was brought on by physical and spiritual exhaustion and great physical pain. I think the pain mostly brought on my emotional state, I usually don't get so weepy.

But this pain brought on all sorts of emotions, but the biggest one was failure. I had a moment where I was ready to throw in the towel and give up, at least faithfully speaking. I'm sure the enemy was having great fun at my weakness and trying to show me how much easier life would be if I didn't have such a great desire to do God's will in my life.

I have felt great guilt over my little, wee, small break down; feeling like one of those moron Israelites who was given everything they needed from God but yet they cried and complained in spite of it all. I CAN say that after my little, wee, small break down my heart did turn to praise and thankfulness for all God has done and that is where I have tried to keep my heart ever since. (thanks for writing that comment Sheila, it was fresh in my mind)

I know I'm too hard on myself, but I don't know how to stop. My desire to bring glory to my King is strong; maybe too strong though, in the fact that I think I need to be perfect.

I used to have an expectant faith in a certain area of my life, but I have had to admit to myself that I have lost some of that faith in the last 5 months or so. I am trying to gain that back. I have gotten so tired that I started feeling like God doesn't care about this area in my life anymore. I have lots of "whys" in my heart and they are covering up that excited, hopeful attitude of what God's plan in my life is.

I have a dear friend that is a night owl-you know who you are. I emailed her yesterday mentioning my attitude of failure and not worthy of God's love and grace. Well, this morning when I got up the first time(with my son, then I go back to bed); my first thought was "ok God, it's been two days, how am I going to crawl out of this pit I am in?". I opened my emails and my dear friend had written me late in the night and God had a gift waiting for me when I woke up. She gave me such a cool comparison that has helped pick me up so much. She said to look at my relationship with my son. If I saw him try really hard at something and he kept failing, wouldn't my heart go out to him-not shun him? Wouldn't I want him to share his feelings with me, and his sincere desire to get it right? I know God knows my heart, and my sincere desire to learn whatever "class" I am in right now on my journey. I just wouldn't want to see my "report card" right now. (heehee)

To go along with God wanting to hear about my feelings, another friend reminded me of "cast your burdens on me and I will give you rest". On Saturday, during my little, wee, small break down I wanted REST. But I want the best kind of rest there is, and maybe my little, wee, small break down was ok in a way because I am finding encouragement and seeing things in my life that maybe I needed a fresh persepective on.

I feel like I'm sort of rambling here, but felt like I should write. I don't know if some little thing will speak to you, maybe just the fact that I'm just as crazy as you always thought I was. Just kidding. I'm sure we all deal with those moments where we try too hard to be perfect and it eventually just gets to us.

Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer."

The Average Jane Journal #48 - Agreement/Attack

I'm just wondering if any of you may ever wonder about this same question I have been thinking about.

I have read in the Bible all the times that people cry out to the Lord, begging for their circumstance to end. In the Psalms, God is asked "how much longer", "where are you", "why do you turn your face from me".

So I know from those examples that God is ok with us asking Him questions. I'm wondering though why I feel guilty when I want to ask questions, like "how much longer", "where am I headed", "what is the purpose of this", "why aren't certain prayers being answered". I feel like I'm being disrespectful and treating God like I don't love Him. I also feel like I'm telling God over and over again that just because I have questions doesn't mean that I'm not thankful for everything He has blessed me with.

Is this an attack? Am I not to ask these questions? I don't feel like I'm angry with God, I think I'm sharing my heart; which He knows anyway. So where does the guilt come from? I just read this morning how "God is slow to anger"; which I think God was showing me something with that verse. Maybe He was showing me that my questions do not anger Him. But again, what brings on my guilt? Maybe there is something in my "agreements" on God that has led to this guilt.

Just looking for comments, what you think, if you have been in this same situation before. I wouldn't say I'm "bogged down" by this guilt, just wondering sometimes why I feel it and felt like I should explore it.

The Average Jane Journal #47 - Two Masters

I'm sure your church has been doing a series on the tough economic times, ours started one this past week. We had a great sermon, which has not left me yet. I was quite convicted by it.

Matthew 6:24
"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."

While the whole sermon convicted me, this verse has been with me the most. As some of you know I have always had a unhealthy relationship with money. But I have felt that I have gotten better through the years. And especially in the last two years or more, since I have turned more to my faith in God instead of money.

But I have to admit that I have felt there is an "in between" somewhere the two masters. My conviction comes from the realization that there is no "in between"-and that I'm still not where I should be in this area.

So what do you think? Are you comfortable in an "in between" seat (that isn't really there)? What do you have your faith in through the fear of these hard economic times? Is it a savings that makes you feel comfy? Is your faith in your retirement? Your job? We've seen enough to know that those things can be taken away at any moment. It's scary, I know.

Getting out of that "in between non existent" seat would mean that your faith is in God completely, even when all those things are taken away that you have faith in. (There is nothing wrong in having a savings or retirement, God wants us to be smart with our money, it's just where those things line up compared to God.)

Have you ever told God that He can have the things you hold onto? They are His anyway. I have done that a couple times when I felt myself getting too fearful over losing my home. I just didn't want my fears and worries to get in the way of my looking to God. I'm not saying it's wrong for me to want to keep my home, after all it was a blessing from God. But I don't want a hold onto it that is not Godly.

So I'm admitting that I am still sitting on a chair that doesn't exist, but God is showing me some things and I'm standing up, looking around for a "real" chair; one closer to Him.

Suggested reading - 1 Timothy 6

The Average Jane Journal #46 - Happy Birthday!!

Well, Average Jane is one year old this month. I can't believe it has been a year since I timidly started this journey. Now I love it!! Thanks for walking this road with me, what a journey to share with such awesome friends and my Heavenly Father.
Love you all,
Jane (ronda)

The Average Jane Journal #45 - Via Dolorosa

Happy Easter to you all, I wish you a blessed Easter weekend. Or as my Sunday School teacher used to say-Happy First Fruits!!! (miss ya Cecil)

I just wanted to share a video with you of a song that is about when Christ died for us. As so many videos do these days, the backdrop is from the movie "Passion". I often wonder if Mel Gibson had any idea just how much that movie would be used, even in a small way such as you tube. How awesome is that!!!!

Anway, the song is "Via Dolorosa"-made famous by Sandi Patti. But it was made famous to me by Ron Whittle (my dad). I remember he used to sing this in church when I was younger. The song makes me think of my Heavenly father and my earthly father, what a combined blessing!! I wonder if my dad is singing it this weekend?

Enjoy the video, I have included the lyrics. If you do not have a church home, please check out www.lifechurch.tv for thier online Easter services-starting Sat night and again on Sunday morning.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBI1FwqNVrs

or type in Via Dolorosa Music Video - The Passion - X.ado at youtube.com.



"Via Dolorosa"

Down the Via Dolorosa in Jerusalem that day
The soldiers tried to clear the narrow street
But the crowd pressed in to see
The Man condemned to die on Calvary

He was bleeding from a beating, there were stripes upon His back
And He wore a crown of thorns upon His head
And He bore with every step
The scorn of those who cried out for His death

Down the Via Dolorosa called the way of suffering
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ the King,
But He chose to walk that road out of
His love for you and me.
Down the Via Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary.

Por la Via Dolorosa, triste dia en Jerusalem
Los saldados le abrian paso a Jesus
Mas la gente se acercaba
Para ver al que llevaba aquella cruz

Por la Via Dolorosa, que es la via del dolor
Como oveja vino Cristo, Rey, Senor
Y fue El quien quiso ir por su amor por ti y por mi
Por la Via Dolorosa al Calvario y a morir

The blood that would cleanse the souls of all men
Made its way through the heart of Jerusalem.

Down the Via Dolorosa called the way of suffering
Like a lamb came the Messiah, Christ the King
But He chose to walk that road out of His love for you and me
Down the Via Dolorosa, all the way to Calvary.

The Average Jane Journal #44 - Easter Sermon

I saw this Easter sermon in a book I'm reading. I thought it was good how the pastor used the word "debt" instead of "sin" in his sermon. I'm already a Believer and have accepted all that Jesus did for me, but it was a reminder of the awesome gift of forgiveness we have in His arms.

Wouldn't it be great if someone came to you and said, "I'll pay off all your debts. No matter whether they're foolish debts, notes you took out for less-than-savory reasons, accounts that have been in arrears for years-I'll pay them off. You'll be debt free."

And what if this person said to you, "I want you to be so grateful that you don't go out and incur more debts." We'd all agree to that, wouldn't we?

Now imagine that same person saying, "However, if you do get into more debts-and you will, simply because you're human and won't be able to resist the lure of ninety days with no interest-I will take care of that debt too."

You'd expect for there to be strings attached, wouldn't you? There are no strings.

"But I do have expectations," your generous benefactor would say. "I expect you to do things for others with the extra money you will now have. I want you to be generous."

Now imagine this fabulous person instructing you to tell people who it was who got you out of debt and saved your life. "Tell everyone you meet," this person would say, "and that I will do it for them also."

There probably isn't a person here who wouldn't agree to all of that, if our debts could be wiped clean-and not only the ones we already have, but the ones we'll incur in the future, even though we swear we never will.

Wouldn't it be fabulous? Isn't it fabulous? Substitute the words seperation from God-also called sin-for the word debt. Replace the benefactor's voice with that of our Lord, Jesus Christ. See what happens.

That is what the Cross is all about. The death we grieve this Season, there on that cross, was the final payment on all your debts-your sins. The shame and the guilt-GONE. Now hear-and hear me well-because this is the Easter message. In His eyes, no matter what you have done-at the foot of the cross, it it as if it never happened. NEVER.

The Average Jane Journal #43 - Irony

As I have said before when I read in the Old Testament and how God warned the Israelites what would happen to their nation if they turn from him, it always makes me thing of our country.

I have to be honest and say that when I pray about our country, I feel a bit "defeated"; that all the wrongs are just too big. But that's wrong-where is my Super Size God faith?

The morning that I was having these thoughts, I was given three words:
Truth
Justice
Freedom

Wouldn't you say that all people in this country want those things? The irony is those three things are found through Jesus, some of the best descriptions of Him. No true form of those can be found anywhere else.

Just wanted to remind you to pray for our country. I support religious freedom in this country, but does everyone? Most of the time it seems ok for religious freedom, just so it isn't a faith in Jesus Christ.

The Average Jane Journal #42 - How Big Is Your God?

HOW BIG IS YOUR GOD?

Small size God - I believe God can.
Do you ever believe God can do something for someone else, but you have doubt that God will do something for you? (been there, done that, still do it)

Medium Size God - I Believe God will.
You believe God can and that He will, but when He doesn't, what does that do to your faith? Does your heart harden and you start slipping away from God?

Super Size God - Even if He doesn't, I BELIEVE.

Daniel 3:17-18
"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

This is the True God, a deep faith. Have you ever prayed for something that you truly felt God was going to answer in a certain way, and you had faith and clung to it? But it didn't turn out that way? What about a prayer that you KNOW would be in God's will(because of his nature and heart) and you just don't understand why God isn't answering it like you feel would be the right way? What about a deep desire that you have been waiting on for so long? What is taking so long?
This is the area where true faith is grown. This is where we can find that deep, "no matter what" faith and love for our great God; just like He loves us "no matter what". God's ways and will are higher than our own. Some mysteries God will not reveal to us, we just need to keep on hanging onto Him with our faith-even if we're holding on with just fingertips at the time. This world is not perfect, and I'm not going to say I understand why good people have to go through bad things sometimes. I only know that God loves us and He promises to never leave us, no matter what.
If you have let pain/ disappointment harden your heart toward God-I encourage you to give all that to Him and begin a journey back to your super size God; the God of the Bible, the great I Am. Remember God's Word, do you still believe in His Word, his love letter to you? GOD IS LOVE.

The Average Jane Journal #41 - Sunday Drive With God

The Average Jane Journal #41
Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Do not be afraid......not your will, but mine. (God speaking)

I want to give my whole life over to God's will, but there are always those times where I slip and think my way is better than God's. I just read a cool way to explain God's will. It's very simple, in fact it was used to explain God's will to a child. But you know what? This child still needs simple sometimes. Plus, the explanation feels so peaceful and I like that.

"Sometimes things just aren't God's will. God's will is a little like taking a Sunday drive with God behind the wheel. God's driving. He might turn where you don't expect a turn or go through a valley that feels too dark. But you don't have to worry about a thing, because you're just the passenger. Whatever happens, God will get you home in the end as long as you let him drive. That's God's will."

Isn't that a cool thing to think of? I know it's easier said than done to think of our lives as a Sunday drive, but I do know I want God as my driver(master of my life) and I will be led home by Him someday.

The Average Jane Journal #40 - Thankful

The Average Jane Journal #40
Thursday, March 26, 2009

My heart is just so full of joy and thanksgiving today. I am loving how I can "see" God is working in my life and helping me with my attacks in life. I just wanted to share a couple of things this morning.

Psalm 68:19
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior,
who daily bears our burdens."

This verse was part of my daily reading this morning. It touched me because it seemed to sum up the joy and thanksgiving I am feeling. I told God thank you for bearing my burdens and for loving me so much. He is the One in my life that I can bring ANYTHING to, and He cares about it all.


A song I heard this morning had a line in it that stuck out to me, that sort of went along with my thoughts I was already having.

"You are a God who has all things, but still you want me."

I hope you have an awesome day!! Love to you all!!

The Average Jane Journal #39 - Happy Spring

The Average Jane Journal #39
Sunday, March 22, 2009

Happy Spring!! I'm a bit late, but officially two days ago we entered the season of Spring. On that day, I pondered Spring and what it means for people. I thought about how so many people love Spring and what it represents. For a lot of people Spring is their favorite season; they look forward to flowers and gardening, colors and "new" growth everywhere. Spring is also the door opening to warmer weather, or so we hope.

I have never really given much thought to the season of Spring, it's just another day to me. I don't care too much about flowers and gardening(I figure I might do that when I'm old). To me Spring reminds me that the HOT weather is coming-which makes me dislike Spring just because it's a bookend to summer.(heehee)

Anyway, as I was pondering on the first day of Spring and thinking about how different I am from most folks about the seasons, I was reminded that we were all given different likes/dislikes and it's ok that I'm different. Now find me on a beautiful Autumn day and then I will sing my praises for my fav season. The perfect day to me is a fall day, the leaves crisp and laying everywhere on the ground. The temp would probably be in the low sixties, a light jacket might be needed if I so choose. And you want color? How beautiful are the short lived Fall colors, when the trees are turning. Sure, your Spring colors stay around longer; but to me that short lived beauty outdoes Spring by miles.

I was talking to God about how different I am, or at least that's how I see it. I'm sort of always "against the grain". But then God reminded me about how He made us all different-so of course we're going to all like different things. Besides, if everyone likes Spring, He had to create some of us that were fans of His other seasons and beauties.

Plus, one thing I do love about coming out of winter is rain. I absolutely LOVE rain!! I was reading a book recently where the author was describing a morning he was having. He was up in his mountain cabin, which had a screened in porch and he was sitting in the safety of that porch watching the hard, fast downpour of rain. All I can say is I wanted to jump in that book and be right there. To me I see that as peaceful and beautiful, where other people see that as stressful and a ruin to a day. So again I asked God, why am I so weird? Why would I find peace and beauty in a rainstorm, when the majority of people do not. I immediately heard "everything stops" and "mighty power".

Where you lovers of Spring find God's mighty power in the flowers and colors of His mighty creation-I see some of His mighty power and beauty in rain. To me rain is romantic and peaceful; and I love the sound and smell of rain. Ever since I read that story of the screened in porch I have pictured that everyday, and I think I long for that peace-the "everything stops" moments and just be with God. Of course I would preface this "dream" day by saying I would want my family home and safe, and that the rainstorm would not cause harm to others. Can I wish that in my perfect day? I would also ask that it not be hot, sticky rain(I'm from Texas). I also know this couldn't be an "everyday" day, then it wouldn't be special; just a beautiful treat from God.

Anyway, all these thoughts of seasons and weather just made me think of what I am thankful for. What do I love that God created? It's ok that I'm different, God made me that way. So next time you're alone with God, just for fun, imagine your perfect day; that treat that is beautiful just to you. Imagine the temperature, what you would be doing, what clothes you're wearing, who you would be with, etc. Tell him thank you for those special days you have had and the ones to come.

Another thing that came out of all the "Spring" thinking is I thought about what that word represents like "newness", "new growth", "springing forward", etc. It made me think that I want to "spring forward" in another area of my faith walk and spritual growth. The subject I was reading about that day was getting rid of agreements you have made along life's road that are not of God. Like things you have come to believe about yourself or God, because of experiences and satan planting seeds in your heart that you have believed. Some examples are:

I am not worthy to God, I could never be used by Him
I do not deserve love
I am not good enough for God to love me
Love never stays
I am weird because I am different (sound familiar???)
God doesn't care about the little things in my life, I just need to figure them out by myself
God will never forgive me, I am too bad of a person

You get what I mean about agreements that are not of God? So this is my "spring" of my spiritual journey this year. I want to notice subtle agreements and get rid of them.(remember satan loves to use subtleness) What are your agreements that you live with? I encourage you to "spring forward" in this area and leave those agreements behind. Next time something is getting you down, just remember to ask yourself "Is this of GOD? Does this match his character and heart?". If it's not and you have been believing it, then get rid of it.

The Average Jane Journal #38 - Four Days

The Average Jane Journal #38
March 13, 2009

Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair. So the sisters sent word to Jesus, "Lord, the one you love is sick."

When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."

When Jesus saw her(Martha) weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. "Where have you laid him?" he asked.
"Come and see, Lord," they replied.
Jesus wept.
John 11:1-4; 33-35


Isn't God's timing wonderful? He really is there in all things, even through little things that we might overlook. Isn't it cool how we can be in the right place at the right time? Like hearing from the right friends, being in the right study, reading the right book-all of it God ordained for what you need at that time. God speaks to us through so many avenues, and this past week or so since my last entry I have been hearing the same thing-WAIT and worship!!

The scripture above came to me through my study group and I loved the verse about showing God's glory. It reminded me of a prayer I started so long ago, that I wanted my life to show God's glory. I didn't forget that I prayed it, but I forgot just what that prayer request might require of me. Jesus said that the sickness of Lazarus would not end in death-but in glory for God. Jesus raised Lazaurs FOUR days later. I realized that night in group that I am still in my "four days". The journey I am on will not end in death(failure), but will end in the glory of God-that whatever happens will be undeniable that it was His hand. That is what I have wanted from the beginning of my journey.

I also loved the part where Jesus cried. I have never thought of this before, but Jesus cried for his loved ones even though He knew He was about to bring Lazarus to life. He "was deeply moved in spirit and troubled" for those He cared about. He knew their grief would soon turn to joy, but He still wept for them. Isn't that cool? Jesus knows the outcome of our troubles, He already knows how the story ends. But we are loved so much that when we hurt our Savior is "deeply moved" over our pain. That is very encouraging to me.

I hope that whatever your journey is right now, and you feel like nothing is happening or that you're taking some punches from the enemy that you will remember that God has divine strategy. You may be in a time of waiting, but keep on looking to God and worship Him. Give Him your pain, fears, dreams, etc. God's timing is the best and there will be glory for Him after those "four days". God can see the big picture, and knows how the story(particular journey) will end. Believe me I know it gets hard sometimes, too hard. But don't turn your eyes away from God-it's a daily, sometimes hourly "active turn" for me too. But He never turns His eyes away from us. Some good advice I have had recently is when we are quite overwhelmed with all we are going through and we feel like we are slipping, just keep it simple and remember that God loves us. Remember God's character, His heart and that will help you through your "four days".

God's delays are not God's denials!!

PS-Thanks to you who have prayed for me, given me words of encouragement, and are just there for me. You are part of that right thing at the right time-God's timing!!

The Average Jane Journal #37 - Battle Against My Joy

THe Average Jane Journal #37
Monday, March 2, 2009

Wow, what a couple of days I have had-they have been hard, but at this moment I am thankful for those moments.

I have been brinking on total "shut down" and I finally aknowledged that yesterday. I emailed a dear friend and spilled my heart, things I had been trying not to tell God. Why did I think I was hiding anything from God? After sending the email, and rereading it I realized that was the most honest I have been in a long time. So I copied the email and put it in my personal journal and asked God to just take it. Take all the ugly stuff I was trying to hide from Him, and help me start healing. Before I wrote the email, I wrote one statement in my personal journal. I feel like I am crumbling and I do not know what to pray for. Well, God has definitely shown me how to pray now.

My big secret that I have been trying to hide from God? I am not happy!! I dance around that fact every day, having my ups and downs. But you know what, I just had to admit it. I do not like my circumstances right now. I don't know why that was so hard for me to admit, I'm know people all over the world feel that way. But I have been so afraid of disrespecting God and dealing with my fears of failing God.

After writing the email on Sunday, and going through half a box of tissues I might add; I went back to reading my book-"Walking with God" by John Eldredge. (he has become my fav author at this moment-I want to read anything he has written.) Well, the very next chapter that I was on in that book was written about me!!! Or at least it felt that way. He talked about how someone came to him and told him "your battle in life is against your joy". When I read that statement, I knew it was meant for me to read at that very moment.

In the midst of my email to my friend, I told her how ever since I have been trying to acknowledge that I have opposition in this world, that it seems like the enemy has "upped the anty". Well, duh!!! What did I think was going to happen? That he would run off just because I knew he was there?

"...you'll soon discover that if you want life and joy, if you are moving into deeper intimacy with God, you are going to attract attention. The enemy will not like it." (quote from book)
I felt like I was the "starring show" at the enemy's dinner/movie night.

One of the things that my joy was being taken from, was this blog. I kept hearing in my head things like "how can you be encouraging to other people when you are so up and down? You write about one thing one day, and how you are finding strength, but then the next day you fall flat on your face. How can you ever be helpful to other people by sharing your heart?" But I have had to remember that I am being obedient to God in starting this journal, and I am only human-I will fall on my face. Those could be just the journals that will touch someone the most. So I'm continuing the fight in my joy being attacked in this area.

I am afresh today, and feel strengthened. I feel like I have a "name" to my attack-the enemy wants my joy. This is an area where I know it would be easy to cripple me. When I get down deep enough, I will stay there by choice-anger, sadness, depression, rejection can become my friend. That's just my personality and I know that about myself. I have been trying to figure out how to be "joyful in the Lord" in all circumstances-I just couldnt' figure out how people do that. But I wanted to. I still have the desire to do God's will and bring Him glory in my life. And as long as I still have that desire, no matter how small I might feel it somedays-I want to fight!!!

So back to my personal journal yesterday and just simply telling God that I do not know what to pray for-He has shown me now. Through this book I'm reading I am being reminded of how the Bible warns us of opposition-but for some reason we want to ignore it. When we have trouble in our lives we want to assume that either (1) we blew it or (2) God is holding out on us. Why do we forget about the opposition? When I feel the attack on my life I can command that assault to leave me in the power of Jesus' name. How cool is that power!!! If you're not sure what satan is using to attack you with, but you just know you are being attacked-ask Jesus what you need to pray against. Despair? Doubt? Subtle lies? Distraction?

While emailing with another friend, she told me that the quote I used in the last journal entry did not sit well with her. It made me realize that I saw it differently than her, and maybe from you also. She told me the quote made things feel too "real" for her. In a way I applaud that, so maybe our eyes will be open to the fact that opposition is real. But when I discovered the quote and fell in love with it, it made me feel hopeful. It made me feel superior to satan, knowing that I could make him fearful. Sort of like a challenge!!! So hopefully you can look back over the quote in a different way-be challenged to make satan fear what you can be!!!!

The Average Jane Journal #36 - Voice of Truth

The Average Jane Journal #36
Saturday, February 28, 2009

I have been struggling a bit lately. I keep giving in to listening to the "dark side", believing things that are not true. I have been trying to get back on track(as best I can), and just keep things simple. So I have been reminding myself of just two simple truths.

Truth #1

God loves me, no matter what. He is Truth, and the only Truth I need-never changing. His grace and mercies are more than enough for me. I will fail and God will always be there to pick me up. God knows my heart.

Truth #2

"There is a glory to your life that your enemy fears, and is hell-bent on destroying that glory before you act on it. The story of your life is the story of the long and brutal assault on your heart by the one who knows what you could be and fears it." (quote from Waking the Dead)

I have opposition in this world, an enemy who hates my God and wants me to turn my back on God. The "dark side" is not only in the movies-my fears, anger, rejection, pride, feelings of failure, etc are feelings that can lead to listening to the author of lies. I have been struggling a lot with feelings of failure-trying to be perfect. "Perfection is our enemy"-a line from a song I heard recently; oh how that fact hit home for me. I am determined to fight the "dark side" and become what my enemy fears-a life that brings glory.

(I have to give a shout out to my fellow Star Wars fans. Never give into the dark side.)

"Voice of Truth" by Casting Crown

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

Chorus:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

The Average Jane Journal #35 - God's Oscar

The Average Jane Journal #35
February 22, 2009

I watched the Oscar Awards tonight. I have a bit of a confession to make-I LOVE award shows. I always have. I remember watching them as a teenager. I had my lists ready, with all the nominees and marked the winners in my notebook. Boys grew up with their sports stats, well I had a notebook full of music and acting awards.

Tonight I was thinking about my love of music and acting-basically a love of entertainment. Since being a child, I have always thought how cool it would be to be a singer or an actor; skills I was not given, sadly. I have also wondered what it must feel like to write a song, book or movie-to have my feelings, words, experiences touch someone else. But it dawned on me tonight that basically I dream of creating something.

We were created in God’s image. Well, since He is our Creator-doesn’t it make sense that we might have a desire to create also? I think we all have a bit of that desire in us, a desire to create something that means something to someone.

The big questions is-what am I creating? Is it worthy of the ultimate Creator’s approval? Whether you enjoy the same things I do or not, we all have skills, dreams, passions-we can all create.

Never forget-God created you and you mean something.

You are God’s Oscar!!

The Average Jane Journal #34 - Our Adoption

The Average Jane Journal #34
February 19, 2009

I wanted to share this article I just read. I really liked the way it showed the picture of us being adopted by God, a story to show the depth of God's love and the price He paid to adopt us.

Ultimate Security

A local businessman was in to share with our Ministry Team a while back, and he made a fascinating observation about his family. He's got three children; two are all grown up and in their late 20s. His youngest is just a nine year old girl. He assured us that she wasn't a "mistake." In fact, she was their choice. And he pointed out something the authorities made very clear at the time the adoption went through. There could come a time when he had a major falling out with one of his natural-born children - a time when he could conceivably, as a father, disown that child; even put him out of the will. But not so with this girl he was adopting. He was legally committed to never disown her, to never put her out of his will, and to always take care of her. They said, in essence, "When you adopt a child, she is your child forever."

For my businessman friend, that experience with adoption opened up a whole new world in terms of his personal relationship with God. It could be the same for you. Because adoption plays a central part in whether or not you actually belong to God, whether or not you go to heaven when you die.

In our word for today from the Word of God, the Lord pulls back the curtain of eternity to let us see this panoramic view of how God has planned and provided for you joining His family. Ephesians 1:4 says this: "In love He predestined us to be adopted as His sons (or His children) through Jesus Christ...In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins." God has had His eye on you before there was a world! And He made a plan to adopt you into His family so you could be with Him forever.

There are few more comforting and more peace-giving words in the English language than this one - secure. But security may be something you've never had much of in your life. You've experienced a lot of conditional love, performance love, but not much love that would be there no matter how unlovable you are. Maybe there have been people or positions or things that were your security blanket but they're gone, and with them, that sense of being safe. If you've been disappointed in relationships, if you've been hurt a lot, or if you're tired of losing what you were hanging onto, then you're ready to be adopted by God.

Remember what the authorities told my friend, "When you adopt a child, she is yours forever." That's the kind of unshakable, unlosable security God is offering you. Adoptions can be expensive. For God to adopt you, the price was unthinkable - the sacrifice of His one and only Son on the cross. Because there's no way you could be a daughter or son in God's family with all the wrong things you've done. After all, God the Father is perfect. But, as the verse says, God offers forgiveness of sins through the blood Jesus shed on the cross. Your sin was paid for so your sin could be forgiven. And God stands ready to make you His child.

But only if you want Him to. Only if you'll pin all your hopes on Jesus and what He did on the cross for you. At the moment you give yourself to Jesus, you are adopted into God's family, and you finally belong. You're finally secure.

If you're ready to join God's family, would you tell Jesus that? And then, I hope you'll go to our website where you'll find a lot of valuable, practical information on how to be sure you belong to Jesus Christ. It's YoursForLife.net. I hope you'll go there at your first convenience today. Or you can call and get for no charge my booklet Yours For Life just by calling 877-741-1200.

Your lifelong search for a love you could never lose can end this very day. God has paid the price to adopt you. His arms are open wide. It's time for you to run into your Father's waiting arms. Once you do, He'll never let you go.

Copyright © 2008 Ron Hutchcraft Ministries, Inc.
www.christianity.com

The Average Jane Journal #33 - Regret

The Average Jane Journal
February 15, 2009

I'm sure we all have regrets as we look back on our lives. I'm writing with regret on my heart as I look back on something I wished I had done differntly.

This past year marked 20 years since my high school graduation. I did not go to the reunion, and just this past week discovered a website dedicated for my class-pictures, contact info, etc. I had so much fun looking at all the pix of everyone-"looking back" pix and "now" pix. But then I clicked on the section marked "in memory of" and my breath stopped for a second. I had no idea that one of my friends had passed away. I don't even know the details of her death, but it saddens me so.

We were close friends through junior high and some through high school. Then after high school I tried a couple of times to stay in contact, and have thought about her so many times through the years.

First of all, if you haven't already experienced this, it is so weird to find out that a person the same age as you has died-someone you spent so much time with when younger. (I guess I will experience that more the older I get.)

The regret I have been feeling the last few days comes from me wondering about this friend's faith. Did she know Jesus?

I have spent so many wasted years. I have been to church all my life, and accepted Jesus when I was 14; but showing my faith was not an important part of my life when I was in school. I have always admired teens when I hear about them living their lives for God while in school. What a horrible place to choose to live for God-that takes love for God!! We always think about things we would have done differently if we had the chance. I would defintely want to live a better life for God if I had to go back. I wish I could go back and talk to my friend.

The Average Jane Journal #32 - Dinner With Jesus

The Average Jane Journal #32
February 8, 2009

I just watched an amazing movie and wanted to pass on the suggestion. The movie is called "The Perfect Stranger", and is about a woman having dinner with Jesus. Just like when I read "The Shack" and wanted a weekend away with God, this movie made me want a dinner with Jesus. I was totally weeping in the movie, but in a good way. I was also surprised at how defensive I felt when the woman was being rude in the beginning to Jesus.

I also watched the sequel, "Another Perfect Stranger". It was good also, and I suggest watching it. But I was more moved by the first one, probably because the main character was an adult woman and the second movie was a girl aged 19 or 20-but still the points talked about were great. Both movies touched on Heaven and hell, suffering, "religion" verses relationship, and God's perfect love for us.

Revelation 3:20
"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me."


I hope you enjoy them, maybe throw me a line on anything that moved you.

One of my favorite lines from the first movie I talked about above is,

"There is no adventure quite like being hooked up with the Creator of the universe."

Don't you just love that!!!!!

The Average Jane Journal # 31 - Moron

The Average Jane Journal #31
February 6, 2009

Hey guess what? You're a moron!!!!

I was chitchatting with one of my fav gal pals this week. I was expressing to her how I wonder why when I have experienced God's "peace that passes understanding", why then do I end up looking elsewhere sometimes? I was telling her how I was such a moron.

I told her how I used to always wonder how the Israelites could be such morons, after "seeing" God so many times. But now that I'm older and wiser(no comment), I see that I am just as big a moron as them. The only difference is that I do not have all my failings written down in a book for everyone to read them.(hopefully my personal journals never get published). But you know what, God always loved the Israelites-through their discipline and their high points. And I know that God loves this moron also.

So I just thought it was funny that I was calling myself a moron, because I know I fail all the time. I guess you could say we all are.

The Average Jane Journal #30 - We Are In Battle

The Average Jane Journal #30
January 25, 2009

In the last entry I wrote about being attacked by the enemy. When I was telling a friend of mine this week about what I went through, she said that people forget about spiritual warfare. I agreed with her, I have to admit I don't always think about it going on-so many things we do not see. I forget that there is always a battle raging, a battle for our soul. Even after we give our soul to Jesus, the battle still rages on, a battle for our heart to be hardened to doing God's work and not helping to further the Kingdom.

I just saw a youtube video that was so amazing, it brought tears. It's used for youth groups (got it from my son's youth website); but the impact can be for us "old" ones also.

The link is www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

If the link does not work, go to www.youtube.com and type in Lifehouse's Everything Skit.

Keep your eyes on Jesus-we are all in a battle my friends.

The Average Jane Journal #29 - Joy On The Other Side

The Average Jane Journal #29
January 19, 2009

I wanted to share a struggle I had for the past four or five days. I really believe it was an attack to pull me down and it worked for a few days. Almost two weeks ago I was telling so many people how awesome God is and how He healed my broken heart in such a quick time. I was so excited to have experienced that, even though it had been hard and emotional. But I was on fire for God, refueled at seeing Him work.

Well, almost immediately after that "high" experience and telling God I'm ready to move on to where He is leading me-bam!! I was hit pretty hard with questions/doubts, fears, depression-I was pretty down. So I wanted to share it with you in case you ever get hit with these questions or maybe you have some great advice to give me-leave me a comment on here.

DO you think it's possible to be thankful to God for something, but not like it at the same time? I was being crumbled by the enemy telling me that I was lying to God when I said I was thankful for something in my life, because I didn't like it. I felt like I had to force myself to like this gift, just so I could feel like I was being honest in my thankfulness and honoring God. Well, I couldn't make myself like it; and was getting pretty down.

After a day or two of tears and prayer, I starting wondering how I could be Christlike in this problem. I realized I could not make myself like this "something", but I knew I was truly thankful for it. When I started putting my mind on being Christlike, I started getting help quickly. I was reminded of some scripture from a sermon awhile back and that just started my mind opening up to how I was being attacked.

The scripture I remembered was Hebrews 12:2 "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
I remembered how Jesus asked his Father if there was any other way to save us without having to go through death on a cross. But as the verse above says, He did it for the joy on the other side of the cross-salvation for us.

So God showed me that even though I do not like what I'm going through right now, there is joy on the other side of it. I also know for sure that He believes me when I say I'm thankful and He understands that I do not like it. He knows that my life is not what I thought it would be right now. I feel confident now that it is ok to be thankful for something and tell God you don't like it at the same time. It's all in the attitude of your heart, and I know God knows my heart's desire. Even when I don't understand or like what is going on in my life, I still need to worship and trust God. That is the best way to honor God.

Something else I learned in this struggle is I don't really look to Jesus for examples through hard times. Of course I pray for help, but I have realized that I do not feel worthy to compare my own struggles to anything Jesus may have went through.( I know what you're thinking-duh Ronda, that is why His struggles are in the Bible.) But when I first thought of the scripture above, my first instinct was "I can't compare that to my problem-that's Jesus dying on the cross-I'm too sinful to even put myself near that." But God (and my pastor) reminded me that Jesus struggled in His life, and can relate to our fears and problems. The only difference is He never sinned. But just as Christ asked His Father for another way, He always desired God's will. How much more Christlike can I be than just desiring GOd's will.

The Average Jane Journal #28 - God Loves You

The Average Jane Journal #28
January 8, 2009

Do you ever get confused on your spiritual journey? Do you ever need to make a decision and just not sure which way God wants you to go? Or have you ever been following along on a journey that you felt like you were going the right way? Then something happens, and that journey does not go the way you thought God was leading it. You were sincere in your faith, and were seeking God's will in that particular journey, but then there was a change and you're confused about it all?

Well, I want to remind you, as I was reminded by God this week, that no matter what you are confused about there is always one thing you should never be confused about.

God loves you!!

We may not ever figure out some things in our life, and that is ok because God is in charge. But just remember as you're seeking God's will and trying your best-you can never be loved more by anyone else than our Creator. Just keep seeking Him, and desiring His will.