The Average Jane Journal #29 - Joy On The Other Side

The Average Jane Journal #29
January 19, 2009

I wanted to share a struggle I had for the past four or five days. I really believe it was an attack to pull me down and it worked for a few days. Almost two weeks ago I was telling so many people how awesome God is and how He healed my broken heart in such a quick time. I was so excited to have experienced that, even though it had been hard and emotional. But I was on fire for God, refueled at seeing Him work.

Well, almost immediately after that "high" experience and telling God I'm ready to move on to where He is leading me-bam!! I was hit pretty hard with questions/doubts, fears, depression-I was pretty down. So I wanted to share it with you in case you ever get hit with these questions or maybe you have some great advice to give me-leave me a comment on here.

DO you think it's possible to be thankful to God for something, but not like it at the same time? I was being crumbled by the enemy telling me that I was lying to God when I said I was thankful for something in my life, because I didn't like it. I felt like I had to force myself to like this gift, just so I could feel like I was being honest in my thankfulness and honoring God. Well, I couldn't make myself like it; and was getting pretty down.

After a day or two of tears and prayer, I starting wondering how I could be Christlike in this problem. I realized I could not make myself like this "something", but I knew I was truly thankful for it. When I started putting my mind on being Christlike, I started getting help quickly. I was reminded of some scripture from a sermon awhile back and that just started my mind opening up to how I was being attacked.

The scripture I remembered was Hebrews 12:2 "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
I remembered how Jesus asked his Father if there was any other way to save us without having to go through death on a cross. But as the verse above says, He did it for the joy on the other side of the cross-salvation for us.

So God showed me that even though I do not like what I'm going through right now, there is joy on the other side of it. I also know for sure that He believes me when I say I'm thankful and He understands that I do not like it. He knows that my life is not what I thought it would be right now. I feel confident now that it is ok to be thankful for something and tell God you don't like it at the same time. It's all in the attitude of your heart, and I know God knows my heart's desire. Even when I don't understand or like what is going on in my life, I still need to worship and trust God. That is the best way to honor God.

Something else I learned in this struggle is I don't really look to Jesus for examples through hard times. Of course I pray for help, but I have realized that I do not feel worthy to compare my own struggles to anything Jesus may have went through.( I know what you're thinking-duh Ronda, that is why His struggles are in the Bible.) But when I first thought of the scripture above, my first instinct was "I can't compare that to my problem-that's Jesus dying on the cross-I'm too sinful to even put myself near that." But God (and my pastor) reminded me that Jesus struggled in His life, and can relate to our fears and problems. The only difference is He never sinned. But just as Christ asked His Father for another way, He always desired God's will. How much more Christlike can I be than just desiring GOd's will.