The Average Jane Journal #53 - Comments on Picking Your Brain

To refresh your memory, Journal #50 asked your thoughts on being hard on yourself. I was excited that I went ahead with that journal because God showed up and gave me great thoughts to consider.

I was reading an article at the time and this quote stuck out to me:

"If God approves of us, knowing all the wrong we will ever do, you and I have no right to disapprove of ourselves.Accept yourselves in spite of your weaknesses-God does"

I was most excited about this next thought, excited that God showed me something that I would never had thought about had I not posted this question. One of you, an admitted fellow struggler with this problem, answered me and gave me the following advice.

"When my friend brought up in Bible study that spending time beating myself up, bring critical of myself, and constantly thinking of my failures was self worship-it took my breath away. What??? I thought I was being humble and not proud? I have to remember that anything that takes my time, my focus, my thoughts from God is an idol and when I am all consumed with my "worthlessness", I am putting myself on the throne, not Jesus. In my desire to glorify Christ, I end up glorifying Satan when I focus on my shortcomings instead of the One who took them away."
Her friend from the Bible study said,"Self loathing is self worship. The enemy loves it when we fight with ourselves and are at war within...using all our energy in the inner war."

I have thought about this information ever since I received it. I'm amazed by it. Something I looked at as trying to better myself is actually something the enemy uses to get me to sin-self worship. I cannot begin to tell you how good I am at beating myself up-and all this time I thought I was using it for good, a technique to try to better myself. No wonder I always feel horrible. Duh!!!! It's such a simple thing really, just one of those little things the enemy slips by us. It reminds me of the time I heard about how "people pleasing" is a sin-it's idol worship because God is not on the throne. Another simple thing that the enemy uses and we have never thought about being a sin.

Thanks friend for the comment you sent me-God definitely used you that day.

I can't say I'm not at all self-loathing anymore, but when I feel myself slipping into it I have thought of this comment. I still feel like there is an area where our guilt is used for good, like when the Holy Spirit is trying to turn us around. But I need to work on how I cross that line of guilt and move into the self worship. I'm working on it and I'm excited how God showed up for me(and hopefully others that can use this comment) when I asked this question.

The Average Jane Journal #52 - Abortion Survivor

May 31, 2009

This is an awesome video, it's long so you will need about 15 minutes but you will not be sorry for taking that time. Make sure you watch Part II when the video ends.


www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPF1FhCMPuQ

I had trouble when I tried to copy and paste that address so if you go to www.youtube.com; just type in abortion survivor. You should see Gianna Jessen pop up. The time for Part 1 is 9:36 and part 2 is 6:40.


I'm God's girl-don't mess with me because my Father runs the world. I'm His girl and I'm a princess!!!

The Average Jane Journal #51 - Movie Quotes (1)

I have had a movie quote stuck in my head since last Sunday when my pastor brought this up in his Memorial Day sermon, talking about sacrifices that our troops have made for us and the great sacrifice our Savior did for us. Then tonight I heard another quote that stuck with me, so I thought I would share them both.

"I have tried to live my life the best I could, I hope that was enough. I hope that at least in your eyes I've earned what all of you have done for me."

Of course this person is talking about the sacrifice of the troops that saved his life, but I love thinking of the sacrifice of Jesus when I read that quote. I know the way I live my life is not what gets me into Heaven-that is my faith. But this quote has had me thinking all week of what Jesus did for me-for ME-and He knows my life will never be worthy of His sacrifice. But out of my love and thankfulness for His sacrifice, I should be asking myself more often if my life shows any worth at all-do I show Christ to others in any way???

The Average Jane Journal #51 - Movie Quotes(2)

"You are a good man even when you don't know people are watching you."

How awesome would that be to have someone describe you in such a way?!! And spiritually, to me at least, it sort of goes along with the first movie quote. How do other people see me, and do they see Christ in me?

The Average Jane Journal #50 - Picking Your Brain

I know my last journal entry wasn't even 12 hours ago but I'm feeling so much better. I hung with my peeps tonight and feel so encouraged. We discussed something that I mentioned in my earlier journal and I just thought I would pick your brain and see what your answers are. We agreed this question was a hard one to answer, it would have been cool to spend more time on our thoughts and see where God lead us. I would love your thoughts. This is not a "your right or wrong" moment, I truly would just love whatever thoughts God gives you. Please know that I'm not asking these questions from a desperate state of mind like my last journal. I'm at a place now where I'm trying to follow God in the direction He is leading me and I'm very interested in what I find by this question. Maybe I should do a "pick you brain" segment every once in awhile-maybe get some suggestions for other questions. If you feel comfortable, post your answer on the blog so others can see; or I could just publish the answers (without names) in another entry someday. Happy pondering!!!

In my earlier journal I said I am very hard on myself and don't know how to stop being that way. But then when I think about it(and this is all in a spiritual journey context), in my mind there is "being hard on myself" which to me means "always trying to succeed"; and there is the opposite which is not caring. I can't seem to find that middle ground. We were saying tonight that we feel like women probably have this problem more than men. When confronted with the question, I have to say we were mostly stumped; I found it quite interesting. I also found it encouraging-I'm not the only crazy one out there. So what are your thoughts? Where is the middle ground? Do you also find when you're not being hard on yourself or criticizing yourself, that you feel like you're not trying? Maybe it's a way the enemy uses to cripple women who want to do God's will? Maybe it's a peace and joy crippler?

The Average Jane Journal #49 - Little, Wee, Small Break Down

I have to admit that I'm feeling a bit like I'm on an island all by myself at the moment. I know I'm not alone, but that's how emotional I got these last couple of days(still trying to find my way back to civilization). I have been told many times that I'm too hard on myself, and let me tell you I have heard those words in my mind a lot lately.

I had a little, wee, small break down this weekend; or I like to think of it as small(heehee). By break down I mean, a "fall down and cry to God" moment-a pity party, all for me. Sounds sad doesn't it??? It was brought on by physical and spiritual exhaustion and great physical pain. I think the pain mostly brought on my emotional state, I usually don't get so weepy.

But this pain brought on all sorts of emotions, but the biggest one was failure. I had a moment where I was ready to throw in the towel and give up, at least faithfully speaking. I'm sure the enemy was having great fun at my weakness and trying to show me how much easier life would be if I didn't have such a great desire to do God's will in my life.

I have felt great guilt over my little, wee, small break down; feeling like one of those moron Israelites who was given everything they needed from God but yet they cried and complained in spite of it all. I CAN say that after my little, wee, small break down my heart did turn to praise and thankfulness for all God has done and that is where I have tried to keep my heart ever since. (thanks for writing that comment Sheila, it was fresh in my mind)

I know I'm too hard on myself, but I don't know how to stop. My desire to bring glory to my King is strong; maybe too strong though, in the fact that I think I need to be perfect.

I used to have an expectant faith in a certain area of my life, but I have had to admit to myself that I have lost some of that faith in the last 5 months or so. I am trying to gain that back. I have gotten so tired that I started feeling like God doesn't care about this area in my life anymore. I have lots of "whys" in my heart and they are covering up that excited, hopeful attitude of what God's plan in my life is.

I have a dear friend that is a night owl-you know who you are. I emailed her yesterday mentioning my attitude of failure and not worthy of God's love and grace. Well, this morning when I got up the first time(with my son, then I go back to bed); my first thought was "ok God, it's been two days, how am I going to crawl out of this pit I am in?". I opened my emails and my dear friend had written me late in the night and God had a gift waiting for me when I woke up. She gave me such a cool comparison that has helped pick me up so much. She said to look at my relationship with my son. If I saw him try really hard at something and he kept failing, wouldn't my heart go out to him-not shun him? Wouldn't I want him to share his feelings with me, and his sincere desire to get it right? I know God knows my heart, and my sincere desire to learn whatever "class" I am in right now on my journey. I just wouldn't want to see my "report card" right now. (heehee)

To go along with God wanting to hear about my feelings, another friend reminded me of "cast your burdens on me and I will give you rest". On Saturday, during my little, wee, small break down I wanted REST. But I want the best kind of rest there is, and maybe my little, wee, small break down was ok in a way because I am finding encouragement and seeing things in my life that maybe I needed a fresh persepective on.

I feel like I'm sort of rambling here, but felt like I should write. I don't know if some little thing will speak to you, maybe just the fact that I'm just as crazy as you always thought I was. Just kidding. I'm sure we all deal with those moments where we try too hard to be perfect and it eventually just gets to us.

Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer."

The Average Jane Journal #48 - Agreement/Attack

I'm just wondering if any of you may ever wonder about this same question I have been thinking about.

I have read in the Bible all the times that people cry out to the Lord, begging for their circumstance to end. In the Psalms, God is asked "how much longer", "where are you", "why do you turn your face from me".

So I know from those examples that God is ok with us asking Him questions. I'm wondering though why I feel guilty when I want to ask questions, like "how much longer", "where am I headed", "what is the purpose of this", "why aren't certain prayers being answered". I feel like I'm being disrespectful and treating God like I don't love Him. I also feel like I'm telling God over and over again that just because I have questions doesn't mean that I'm not thankful for everything He has blessed me with.

Is this an attack? Am I not to ask these questions? I don't feel like I'm angry with God, I think I'm sharing my heart; which He knows anyway. So where does the guilt come from? I just read this morning how "God is slow to anger"; which I think God was showing me something with that verse. Maybe He was showing me that my questions do not anger Him. But again, what brings on my guilt? Maybe there is something in my "agreements" on God that has led to this guilt.

Just looking for comments, what you think, if you have been in this same situation before. I wouldn't say I'm "bogged down" by this guilt, just wondering sometimes why I feel it and felt like I should explore it.