Have you ever gotten sick of yourself?
A few nights ago I was lying in bed starting to go to sleep. I don't know about you but this is when I reevaluate my day, and mostly meditate on how jacked up I am because of my failures that day.
Well on this particular night I found myself saying "i am sick of me". Pretty much every night it's the same issues/failures, and I finally had had enough. Of course in my jacked up, critical mind, that just started making me feel worse about myself. It was so overwhelming to think about all the changes needed to get out of the same rut I've been in forever.
But then I had a good thought, a great thought. My Father never gets sick of me!! Yes He will need to discipline me, give me a little kick sometimes, show me my errors; but He never stops loving me. I imagine it hurting Him to see me hurting like that, I imagine a big hug and sitting in His lap for some healing time. It hurts our Father to see what we let sin do to us, not only because we are choosing sins over Him but also because we are hurting ourselves. His love for me doesn't want to see me bashing myself all the time. Sure God can use it when we are reviewing our lives and wanting to change, but I was past that. I was letting the enemy in and sinking into my failures instead of trying to get above them.
I haven't totally gotten over this "place", but God is using those 5 words to remind me of His love and not what the enemy intended those words for.
Monday, November 14, 2011
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